This might be hard to hear or read but man up and feel the love and freedom in this. Trust me, life is not meant to be lived the way we have been taught.
Ask yourself, do you ever feel shame? If the answer is yes then you are either a knowing non-believer or you say you believe and actually don’t know that you don’t. You are not the Lord of your body (made of flesh, from the cells to the tissues to the organs to your brain) Satan is the Lord of your body and He is tricking you into thinking that you are a believer.
Right now you are thinking of all your works that seem Godly to make you think I’m wrong. I’m not, I have been there before and the Holy Spirit brought you here because He loves you. It is your job to love Him by doing this: Next time you are in a spot where you feel like you need to ask God for help you need to remember to give your life completely to Him and deal with the consequences, the good and the bad, and continue to give Him your life every day until you die. That is the only way I know of that will bring you to belief and will bring you to a place where you are no longer enslaved by shame and guilt. Be free God’s child. These things are truth. Lies will lead you to give your life to any number of other things and each of those things are tricks, lies and lead to death. <But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.>